A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my poor anus
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So. Much. Porn.
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