I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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