i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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