i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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