Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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