Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
