Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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