I am puke
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize