My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
