Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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