i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
