How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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