Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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