woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
