Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
