Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
