i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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