if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
