Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
