i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
