woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
