Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
