Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize