so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
