I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
