return my video game
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
