just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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