the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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