Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found your dick twin last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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