when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
