How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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