if you like me you must not know who I am
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
