He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
