sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Houston, we have a blender
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
