I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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