chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
