I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize