he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
