There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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