You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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