I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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