Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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