If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize