apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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