So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
