I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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