Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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