dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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