Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
