After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
