FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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