Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
