I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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