i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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