What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
