The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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