My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
