There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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