How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
