I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
