I'm jealous of your bromance
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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