I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
