Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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