i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
