he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
