yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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