The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
