Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
