Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
