dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
