Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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