I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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